Husbands are to be the leaders in their homes (cf Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18-19) and wives are to be subject to (cf 1 Pet. 3:5-6) and follow their leadership, and wives are to submit by Choice, not by coercion, bully, force or intimidation. Besides submission has nothing to do with inherent value. Men and women are equal before God; both are created in his image.
For the sake of order in any situation, there must be headship. In marriage, that headship has been given to the husband. When the wife is told to submit, however, it is not like the obedience of a child. Many men when they marry think of their wife as being a sort of first child and that she is to obey them like a child is to obey. That is not true at all. Again submission has to do with that which is voluntary. Paul is saying to the wife, “Submit yourself. This man loves you, and you are to submit to him.” The better word, because it means more, is respond. Respond to this man. If he comes to you as your Christian husband and puts his arms around you and says, “I love you more than anything else,” then certainly you should respond, “I love you.”
Pastor McGee said“ Marriage is made on three different planes. The first is the physical plane, and that is important. It is the thing which the world talks about a great deal, the sexual relationship. It is a wonderful thing to have a wife whom you can put your arms around and love. Between two believers, sex can become the most precious, most beautiful, most wonderful thing there is in this world. It is my conviction that believers are the only ones who can really enjoy the physical relationship to the fullest. There is no question that the physical relationship is a wonderful thing.
When I got married, my wife felt she was not cut out to be a preacher's wife. She had been brought up in a little town in Texas and had seen how the preacher's wife was expected to do so much work in the church. I took her over to talk with Dr. Lewis Sperry Chafer one day, and I explained her fears to him. Neither of us will ever forget what Dr. Chafer said. He told my wife, “I am out speaking in Bible conferences a great deal. When I come home, I am not looking for an assistant pastor, I'm not looking for an organist, I'm not looking for a soloist, and I'm not looking for the president of the missionary society. I want a woman there to meet me who is my wife and whom I can put my arms around and love.” The physical relationship is an important relationship.
The second plane in a marriage is the mental or psychological relationship, which is also very important. It is nice when the husband and wife enjoy doing the same things. On one of our tours to Bible lands, there was a very wonderful couple who were in their fifties. They would get up early in the morning and take a hike, and again at night they would walk together. They would visit certain places which were not included in the tour. They enjoyed doing things together, and it is wonderful to have that kind of relationship. The thing that makes the comic strip “Maggie and Jiggs” so funny is that Jiggs wants to go to Dinty Moore's where they have corned beef, cabbage, and beer, and Maggie wants to go to the opera where they have champagne. Their interests and their appetites are altogether different. That, of course, does not make for a healthy relationship. Because so many husbands and wives do not share the same interests, there are many clubs and lodges today where each can get away from the other and do what they want to do. How tragic that is!
The third plane in a marriage is the spiritual relationship, and this applies to a marriage between two believers. When problems and trouble and sorrow and suffering come, a husband and wife should be able to kneel down, come to God in prayer, and meet around the Word of God together. You can break the other two ties, but “… a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecc_4:12). When you have all three, you have a wonderful marriage. The first two cords can break, but if the third one will hold, the marriage will hold. However, when the third one is broken with the others, the marriage has gone down the tube, my friend. I have to admit it, there is very little hope for a marriage like that.
The motivation that led the women in biblical times to respect their husbands is that put their hope in God. (1 Pet. 3:5) A wife may look at her husband and say, you want me to surrender to him, he doesn’t know what he is talking about, he is uncaring, he doesn’t know the Word of God, he doesn’t make any sense. When a woman who fears God and puts their hope in God sees things through the eyes of faith, life becomes clearer. She may see in her husband what he should be, but she will never be ultimately disillusioned if her eyes are fixed on Jesus.
